No No November… 6 Ways to Say No and to Let Go - Ep. 77

Does saying "no" feel like an uphill battle for you? We're here to tell you that a powerful NO can actually pave the way for enriching new experiences. In our mission to embrace personal growth, we let you in on our "No No November" initiative. As we journey through this month, we talk about 6 things that we should let go of to make room for new opportunities by saying no.

The fear of aging and regret can hold us back, nestled deep within our psyche. In our soul-searching dialogue, we'll explore these heavy feelings and their impact on our lives. We share our personal experiences and insights about regret as a learning tool, and the fear of aging as a societal pressure. There's beauty in the natural process of aging and accepting ourselves as we are, a beauty that we're excited to discuss with you.

Toxic relationships and unrealistic expectations can weigh us down. Let's delve into recognizing the signs of an unhealthy relationship and how to put an end to it – because everyone deserves peace and respect.

We’ll also share our personal journey of shedding self-doubt as we age, and embracing self-acceptance.  And, again we touch on tips on setting healthy boundaries and being gentle with yourself - giving yourself and others grace.  Let's release these six things and together and celebrate the gift of the present moment. Tune in, and let's embark on this journey of self-discovery and acceptance together.

Obsessions
Tish - crochet ragalan sleeve turtleneck sweater!  So cute for the holidays and beyond!
Ellen:  Mikes Hot Honey

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This episode is for entertainment purposes only.  We are not medical professionals and we strongly suggest that you reach out to your physician for any medical advice.

Transcript

Tish: 0:23

Alan, you know we're always talking about all these things that we should try reconnecting with old friends about, always about expanding our world, right, yeah, but I thought today that maybe we could take some time to talk about the things that we should let go of, in other words, to say no, no to things in November.

Tish: 0:48

Oh Tish, I love this no no November idea and the idea of letting go. And you know, to me at Midlife it can be beneficial to let go of certain things and it gives room to embrace these new experiences and have that personal growth we talk about. So I love the power of no and it is something I've been practicing and learning here at Midlife and I have to say it can feel really good right.

Tish: 1:17

Exactly so I thought maybe we could break this down into six things that we want everyone to consider letting go of this year.

Tish: 1:28

Well, you know you had me right at the number six, because I just love it when our podcasts have a number like four or six or five. But you know, for you and I, these past few years doing the podcast, we have really been thinking about how to say yes and do more, but also I do think we've been thinking about how to say no and what we can let go of. With Grace, I just am loving that word right now, so I think you're going to hear it a few times. So I'm so happy we're sharing this. No, no November. But before we get to the six, you know I love our weekly obsessions and I know you have something good for me this week. What is it?

Tish: 2:13

You know I found the cutest thing, that, the cutest sweater for the season. You know how I love everything about that 60s, 70s vibe. Right, you do you do and so I even have a purse that's like all these squares of I don't even know what you call them.

Tish: 2:34

I think you call it a crocheted afghan. I was thinking about this. That's it right.

Tish: 2:40

And so sometimes some of the 70s vibe stuff is so over the top Some people might feel really kitschy about it, but I found the absolute cutest sweater could go for our age younger, even teens, would like this, because those patches, those crocheted patches, are only down the sides of the sleeve. So it's that little nod to the 60s, 70s vibe without being like in your face, like you know being on an episode of a 70s show, right.

Tish: 3:16

Right, right or Carol Brady. You don't want to feel like Carol Brady either. There you go.

Tish: 3:22

There you go. So that is my obsession. So if you're looking for a little gift for somebody, or just something for yourself, you know, to pair with those cool bell bottom jeans or things, this could be the perfect little something and we're going to have a link for it.

Tish: 3:38

We are, and you showed it to me. I immediately wanted it, and what I loved about it is you could actually pair it with, like you know, those silky bias cut skirts we both have and dress it up or with a velvet pair of jeans and make it into a holiday um, holiday sweater, but after the holidays with jeans, nobody would call it a holiday sweater.

Tish: 4:02

Right, I love that idea. You know, kind of I love that skirt, that that skirt on the bias. That's kind of a simple cut. You can dress up, dress down, put those combat boots, put heels with it or whatever. But what a cool sweater to pair with that. I love that idea. So, um, we'll be posting it. If you need something a little special, this is the way to go. What about you, al? What have you found for us in your obsession this week.

Tish: 4:31

Okay, my obsession this week. Um should hit you, tisha, as a beekeeper. It is called Mike's Hot Honey and this stuff.

Tish: 4:42

I mean, I can't get enough of it and the thing that I love to put it on I had it at a restaurant and never would have thought it, but it is to put it on a pepperoni pizza. You drizzle the pepperoni pizza with a hot honey and it's kind of that that you know sweet, savory, hot kind of combination. But I will put it on chicken. I mean, there's no end to where the hot honey can go in this house. Have you tried it?

Tish: 5:11

I have been obsessed with hot honey. A good friend of mine, constance, brought me some hot honey because she had some at her house and she always gets those harvest baskets, and so she had a hot honey. I loved it so much she bought me one and I love to put it on. Like you never do those whipped feta dips, I put hot honey with some nuts over it and then some roasted vegetables and have, serve it with bread or crackers and have a little girl dinner. But I'm just really into the flavored honeys right now.

Tish: 5:44

Everyone knows you know how. You know put honey in tea and stuff like that. But you really can cook with honey. And so this morning I had had some yogurt that was plain, right, I usually like a little sweetness to my yogurt, like a vanilla or something like that, but this was plain. So in my cupboard I had had some apple pie honey, oh, and it was fabulous all over the yogurt. So you know, putting it in in when you're making dressings, all kinds of things introduce honey for a little bit of sweet savoriness. The hot honey is fabulous to add a little bolt of spice to it. And they always come in different levels of intensity. You know you can go from mild hot honey to hot hot honey. So whatever kind of you know has your thing.

Tish: 6:39

Well hot hot honey. We'll put a link to both of these in our show notes, so everybody try the hot honey.

Tish: 6:47

Yeah, and just remember it when you use the links that we have. That helps us. So please do that. If you, if we have an idea that you thought, oh, I want to do that, please use our links. It does me a lot and it is in the show notes. So, moving on, okay, for no November, let's kick off the six things that we can that we can let go of right, so we don't have regrets.

Tish: 7:17

Okay, I like that word regrets and I know we've talked about this in a couple of our other podcasts but site magazine, because you know we love to have our facts here from November 22. Regret has been linked to anxiety, self criticism, shame, to sweet problems, and it often starts to be past just rumination and can get you into obsessive thinking, especially at midlife when we have a long runway of things to regret, right, oh, oh, absolutely.

Tish: 7:52

You know, I mean, have you ever felt that like sometimes you're just spinning around an idea like you, like you messed up on something, you regret something, and you just keep spinning it in your head Like I should have said this, I should have done this, and it just keeps going over and over again on maybe, what you did wrong in your head to the point where it's just detrimental. You're not sharing these thoughts with anyone, you're just beating yourself up about it and I think kinds of internal struggles you know show up as very strong feelings of regret. Right, I've always found that and these things can do real damage to our psyche and I feel like they can really hold us back in moving forward.

Tish: 8:41

You know, Tish, I wholeheartedly agree on this one and I really do know what you mean about spinning. But regrets can really teach us about ourselves and help us to avoid repeating mistakes and really moving forward. They can be that kind of jumping off or leap pad to encourage us to make better decisions in the future. But if you know like, on the other hand, if we use these to beat ourselves up or spin or we ignore them completely, you are not going to grow. You know, it's like awareness and putting it head on, I think, is really important and the key here is to find balance, to have learned something, but not let the regret overtake you.

Tish: 9:28

Right, right. So you know. To me it's both releasing and acknowledging any lingering regrets from the past. We will not be able to focus on the future until we let go of those things, right, regrets, just they just keep holding us back and we need to finally say no to living with that regret. We need to reframe and refocus. We always talk about reframing right.

Tish: 9:57

I know.

Tish: 9:59

And refocus on living in the present and living this amazing future. You know kind of at forward thinking and in order to do that we need to find some self-acceptance, we need to really believe that everybody makes mistakes, you know, including ourselves, and to move forward as we learn from those mistakes.

Tish: 10:26

You know I love that. It's again that grace giving ourselves a little bit of leeway and kindness. And really the first step would be to take some risks and be brave and move forward. And I always find that visualizing a fantastic future you know that waking up and high-fiving in the mirror tish, that lucky girl those things Looking forward helps us let go of the past regrets. And you know, as I said before, this favorite word lately, which is giving myself and others grace you know, don't underestimate that power of grace.

Tish: 11:07

You know, if grace is our goal, I really believe that will keep us in the right direction, with the right path.

Tish: 11:16

Well said, tish, and I really think that grace is probably the most important part of regret. It's giving yourself that kindness. So, all right, let's get to the second thing we should consider letting go of. Here in November, as we wobble on to turkey day, I think we need to let go of our fear of aging. I think this one is so big for us embracing the natural process of aging and letting go of the societal pressures and anxieties of getting older. And I just have to say here we were with a group of women a couple weeks ago on our getaway and these women were amazing in how they are embracing aging and getting older.

Tish: 12:04

Yeah, you know. Here's the thing, alan. Some days I'm on board with this and some days I'm on the struggle bus with this one. But I do try and say to myself be the best that you can be at this age, wear that bikini even when your body isn't perfect, take the best care of your skin. But no, there's going to be wrinkles and you're still fabulous anyway.

Tish: 12:38

You know, tish, you rocked that bikini on our recent Girls' Trip. I have to say you want to say you know, even though you're not perfect. But I think it's like really just self love and accepting that we are in midlife. I mean that sometimes is hard for me because I feel like I'm 25 in my head, right. I mean it's like trying to bring those two things together. I'm 25, but when I get up in the morning my feet kind of hurt when they hit the ground right. But our society I think that American society places such a focus on youthfulness, beauty, desirability, success. It's all like around being young and looking a certain way, and that part is hard work, I mean for me I'm just going to put this out here. I'm trying to date. Most of the men in our age group want women younger than us. So there are so many messages coming at us about being youthful, looking young, you know, not really letting go of that fear of aging.

Tish: 13:50

You know. But, alan, have you noticed the shift that some women are having, especially ones that really have their game together? Right yeah, they are also dating younger too, but that is another show in and of itself.

Tish: 14:08

You know what it is and I've had a number of friends date younger and it's definitely something we need to talk about. So let's table that for a complete other show, because a lot to dive in there. But you know, some of my biggest fears also are about the physical ones wrinkles for me, the gray hair, the sagging skin. But another really big fear for me, tish, about aging, is more around the increased risk of like chronic illnesses, like my Hashimoto's, getting worse. Or, you know, keeping up our health and our independence.

Tish: 14:47

Oh yeah, that independence, that's a big one, you know, I know. For this year alone I've personally faced two hospital visits. That was in there for multiple days, and there are additional risks and concerns that factor in because of aging and I think for me the letting go moment is really about giving myself the grace to heal in my own time. I'm not 20 anymore. I don't bounce back, like you know. I remember having my first baby. I was out cutting the lawn the next day. I mean, you know, but, but I have to remind myself to keep myself as healthy as I can be, again, kind of with that eye eye towards being independent, right.

Tish: 15:38

Right right To let go of those notions that I need to live up to my 20 year old, bounce back self and give myself that time to heal and recoup.

Tish: 15:50

I love hearing you say this, because these two hospitalizations have been really big. I mean, you weren't in overnight. These. These were big and I get it. In the past I would have hopped up and been that we both that wobbled, but it didn't fall down. Right, I'm fine, I'm great, I don't need help and I think you really taking that time shows that you know, you understand that it's not going to happen overnight and that sometimes rest is the best thing for us, I would have to say, but for me, tish, it is. I also feel this way about fear of aging. If I take care of myself, I'm not going to be as afraid, right?

Tish: 16:36

Because I know I can sit down, I can stand up, I can do yoga, I'm stretching, and I think that that ability for us, unlike, I think, our moms or some other generations, it's really more. We have a lot more tools, I think, to feel good and to age well.

Tish: 16:59

Did you ever hear that one that says, like, if you sit yourself down on the floor, if you can get off the floor without a lot of difficulty, you're in a good spot? And that's a little kind of litmus test to where you you're at and you know, do you need more yoga, do you need more stretching, do you need more core strength? So I would recommend everyone just to kind of sit down, you know, cross legged on the floor and can you get up easily.

Tish: 17:30

I agree, and you know what? We'll put a link to it, a video of that, because I think it's really important. So I feel like my fear is less when I know I'm taking care of myself and doing those things I need to do to age well.

Tish: 17:45

Yes, mm-hmm. Well, let's go on. I want to jump on over to number three, for the no November is letting go or saying no to unhealthy relationships in our lives, and this is going to require us to evaluate our relationships and let go of toxic or unfulfilling connections that really no longer serve our well-being. And and this is a really hard one for me because, you know, I've always identified myself as that Ride or die kind of friend, so so walking away Isn't always so easy for me. I.

Tish: 18:29

Hear you on that tish. It really is kind of a double-edged sword here and Dividing when to let go of an unhealthy relationship. I don't think it's ever easy, you see, and these don't just have to be friends. These could be like a partner, a Work, you know, a manager or a work environment, co-workers or family, you know. I think it's really weighing the pros and cons and having that awareness. But when the balance is out of control in a relationship and it has become toxic, you know, we all have felt that it's time to Walk away or move away, no matter how hard it is.

Tish: 19:12

And I think it's important to realize what signs that you may see, to kind of be aware of that you might be at the end of a relationship. Okay, so in an article, article from Quora tells us that some of the common signs are Decreased communication. So if communication between partners has decreased or become infrequent, it may be a sign that the relationship is ending. You know, it's that loss of intimacy Physical and emotional into Intimacy are such an important part of any healthy relationship. So when you see those things start to diminish, it's kind of a little red flag that you know to take inventory.

Tish: 20:05

I Know, sometimes we're just so good at ignoring red flags it's really been a lifelong habit. But not only just with, you know, relationships with partners or spouses, even with friends, there can be signs, you know, you only share things from obligation or even if you don't want to share things and really be vulnerable and authentic within a friendship, or if there's a lot of gossiping within friend groups. Or you know limited communication isn't just related to not having time To keep up the friendship. But let's face it, life happens. It's not always related to the health of a friendship, but a lot of times it can be. You know, when a friendship isn't working, you know, and we just don't want them part of our lives. It is very difficult and I think for a lot of us pleasers and fixers out there, you know we're always thinking we can please our way out of it or fix it, and sometimes you just can.

Tish: 21:13

You know, I think for me these when I know that it's in real risk, right A friendships in real risk. These have been related to a consistent, constant drama or conflict. So if a friendship is constantly filled with drama, in conflicts and Unresolved issues that really start to negatively impact your health, your happiness you're just mental well-being, right it might be a time to reevaluate that friendships value, and this is so hard at midlife if friendships have been so long and long-standing.

Tish: 21:58

Yeah, I mean, I think I recall hearing that you know, the longer isn't always better, right, because we've all changed. And I Love the fact that we're talking about this Tisha November, because it seems like these kinds of things could be december, you know, into January type of things, but this is a great time to think about it before the end of the year, kind of taking that inventory. But yeah, I'm, organizing your mental health and well-being is crucial. And I'm just gonna add this if you need guidance around a relationship of Friendship, a work issue, a therapist or counselor or life coach to help you navigate the process and cope with emotions that arise, I think it's always a good thing. You know I'm very pro therapy.

Tish: 22:47

Absolutely, you know, and I think many times saying no to relationships Tends to reflect For me again, yeah, when, when there are certain Cardinal rules that are broken, you know, and and for me those tend to Circle around a lack of trust and a lack of boundaries.

Tish: 23:13

Again, it's that boundaries word. It keeps coming up again and again when we talk.

Tish: 23:20

Yep, alan, you know, there these can be, these can be so broad. I mean from Sleeping with your significant others, sabotaging an important moment in life. Oh, I got my friend here, hey, oh, he's, he's, he's, he's agreeing on that one, I think. I think he, he needs to do this too. But, um, you know, these conflicts and dramas, can you know, really come up under certain things in our lives. So I think we need to look at that. So I know, one of the big things is about when something escalates to a physical right, putting your hands on anyone, and I don't care how many episodes are those housewives that we see that it's okay to, like, you know, go off and attack somebody.

Tish: 24:16

That is never okay right so that stuff is rearing up in in any type of relationship. That is a huge red flag right there, right, um. But a lot of this creates this constant distress Fights within the relationship, or it interferes with your relationships with others within a group.

Tish: 24:40

Yeah, that's so true, those group dynamics can be so tricky, tish, and I love how you mentioned the housewives, because that's it how not to do it, how not to do that but on top of, you know, feeling safe and not feeling like you're in danger. You know, for me it's the breaking of trust when people lie to you. It is just so difficult for me personally to come back, and I think sometimes people lie to avoid friends. They don't want to be by or within a friendship, and that really spins out of control, you know. The other thing for me is like when people also don't show up when they promise, they cancel, or they show up so late. I'm not a late person, right? So, um, it could be physically not showing up for you or emotionally not showing up for you For things that are important for you. I think both right.

Tish: 25:38

Yeah, you know saying no to having limits. You know this is about again back to the boundaries thing setting boundaries, establishing clear boundaries that protect your mental and emotional well-being. You know limiting interactions, politely declining invitations, or even set up specific limits on topics that you're willing to discuss. And as we go into the holidays, we are going to maybe be thrust, you know, into social situations with some of these people that maybe we're going to start saying no to, and so those are, I think, really important limiting that interaction and that whatever is going to escalate something.

Tish: 26:28

Yeah, keeping it healthy. I have a few friends. We have very divergent political thinking and we've decided to not discuss it, and so I think this one's a hard one for women, which is setting the boundaries and really having maybe some crucial or difficult conversations along the way. But once you feel you know this way with a friend, I do think that if you value the converse, the friendship, it's a way to do it. But you know another way though if the friendship has just gotten way too toxic, the way to say no is to just slowly create distance, gradually reduce the time spent together, communicate less frequently. This allows, I think, for the emotional space while minimizing confrontation. So I think you can either hit it head on or, if you've already decided that it's too late, it's, you know, not recoverable I think you can ease into that distance. What do you think about that, tish?

Tish: 27:35

Yeah, I think you know it's usually never a cut and dry decision, right, you know something may precipitate. You know you starting to think in that way and I don't I wouldn't necessarily say you should ever be rash with those decisions, but you know, again, the distancing and seeing where it goes from there you know if it's a relationship that's worth saving. If it's a relationship that you know it was a speed bump, you will come back together. But you know sometimes that distance can really give you this perspective and stuff that you need.

Tish: 28:14

I know, and we both know this from experience, tish just. Lastly, seek support. Surround yourself with supportive and positive friends and relationships to you know help you through perhaps taking a break or ending a toxic relationship. But let's move on to number four, for no, no November. This is letting go of self-doubt, shedding self-doubt, embracing yourself, loving yourself, self-confidence, recognizing your worth and really seeing yourself as someone at midlife, with wisdom.

Tish: 28:50

You know, it's so funny because I do remember when I was younger, you know, looking at who I saw as very older, confident women. They just didn't care as much about what other people thought, and it really kind of struck me at the time. I remember thinking like why, why don't they care? And what I think I'd come to realize is it was really about them saying no to letting other people's opinion control them.

Tish: 29:24

I really like that, and you know what this makes me think of my mom, suzanne, and I know we've spoken about her before. It kind of makes me think of your mother, pat, too. Right, these were women who I saw as very self-confident and didn't take anything from anyone else, and there is something about getting older and just allowing you to kind of shed that reluctance to really say what you mean and be that self-confident person. This one seems to be getting easier as we age, don't you think, tish?

Tish: 30:05

I think so. You know, I am just getting more and more firm in my convictions of letting go of those self-doubts on so many levels. Right, and for me it's really been tied to accepting who I am self-acceptance, right. Yeah. Yeah, I am okay. I am not a perfect person. I embrace my strengths and my weaknesses and I think, out of that self-confidence, I am okay with that letting go, yeah.

Tish: 30:43

Yeah, and not doubting yourself. Right, I think that's where it is, and I know we've talked about this on the podcast before too. To me, there are two things to letting go of self-doubt Treating yourself with kindness and understanding, just like what you just said. Right, you're not perfect, I'm not perfect, we're really understanding I'm going to throw that word grace out again and embracing self-compassion by acknowledging that everyone experiences self-doubt and difficulties right, it's not just us. So, being gentle with ourselves when we do face challenges and setbacks, and really knowing that we have made the decisions that we've made, I think that's really important.

Tish: 31:30

You know, tish the other thing you know, ellen, I've got to just throw in there, though, you know, I think as entering midlife, I see now that a setback is not the end of the world anymore. Right, we all have them. It's how we get through them, how we come through them, how we rise up through them, that shows really the person we are. And I think when we understand that, you know, a stumble doesn't mean a failure, it means just a stumble and we all have them. So I think that's part of letting go of that self-doubt, that need to be absolutely perfect.

Tish: 32:15

I love that. I love that it's really letting go of perfectionism here at some level, or the thought or the belief that you can be perfect, right, and then self-doubting. You know, for me, a lot of times I would always have negative or self-critical thinking, and I found that this has been something that I've worked on letting go of. When you catch yourself doubting your abilities or your worth or you know, give yourself a minute to say, well, what is counter to that? Do I have any evidence that I am a good mom or I make good decisions, or you know what I did was right? And I think a lot of times we just get into this critical thinking and if we can just pause and take ourselves out, knowing that doubts could be based on assumptions or this kind of thinking rather than facts, you know, and I think again, here comes another really strong part of having a girl tribe that you can count on without hesitation, right?

Tish: 33:31

You know they have your best interest in heart. And sometimes I'm not sure, when I'm wrapped up in a high level of emotion, in a situation, right, and I'm reeling in my feelings and have maybe, you know, longstanding validity for myself, this is when I step back for a moment and reach out to you or someone else in my girl tribe and say I need some honest perspective. Yeah, you're overreacting, no, you're not. Maybe look at it this way, Maybe look at it that way. And I think you know letting go of I have to react right away. Maybe that's another part of this too. But you know to have that sounding board of friends that can kind of help you out of just the emotion-ness of it and kind of really unpack what's what all the different parts are and what they mean to you. And are you just caught up in the wave of the emotion or is this really how you feel long term?

Tish: 34:38

I love that and you know there are some people you can go to who are better at that within your friend group and I think it's really good to identify that person or persons and really have that sound and board is amazing. So, all right, I'm going to pull this over to number five unrealistic expectations.

Tish: 35:06

Right.

Tish: 35:07

Releasing the burden of unrealistic expectations you may have placed on yourself or on others. I think this is a key point here. Embrace acceptance and gratitude for the present moment. It's Thanksgiving coming up here and I really am just going to say that again. Embrace acceptance and gratitude for what's here right now.

Tish: 35:28

You know, in July of 2022, an article was published in Bottom Time Talks and it tells us that there are three ways to let go of unrealistic expectations, right. One is focusing on being grateful for what you do have Right, and stop worrying about what you don't have or what anyone else has, but focus on what you're grateful for. You know we talk a lot about in the past, about our great gratitude journaling. That's a great way to do this. One right Focus on the positive in your life. You know, I always refer to this positive momentum, negative momentum, and however, you need to do that, is it? You know, working out, is it listening to inspirational tapes? Whatever it is. Try shifting your focus on what's positive in your life, right, and then again it goes back to we need to abandon these unrealistic expectations that just weigh us down.

Tish: 36:38

I love that Bottom Line Talks had three really good ways there, tish. And you know sometimes people used to ask me like how did I do it as a single mother of three kids? And I would jokingly say I lowered my standards just a little bit. You know, the meals maybe weren't as great, the house wasn't as clean, but what I meant here was that I wasn't having unrealistic expectations of myself around those things. You know I might be a little bit late to pick someone up, but I was realistic where the capital are here.

Tish: 37:15

You know, I just wish when you were younger you had reframed that in a more positive relationship with that, as opposed to lowering your standards. Yeah, more of this. I just made it work and took the stress off my family and off myself. You know, and again, it's all that perspective and big one is to stop comparing yourself to others and if social media makes this hard for you to do, take the social media away. I have a good friend who she takes a diet from it every now and then and she knows when it's time because it has a, you know, negative effect for her and I have so much respect for that. You know, I see when she does this step back moment.

Tish: 38:05

But stop comparing yourself. You don't know if they have additional help, you don't know if they have grandparents or aunts or uncles or what the situation is. You know, sometimes on social media people put a very false face out there that this is not real. You know, maybe they had a perfect dinner once. It's not every night of the week, you know, and they make it seem to be every night of the week, and that's a whole other issue in of itself. But again, if we just let go of these unrealistic expectations. These things can fall away.

Tish: 38:45

You know, it's so true, Tish, and I do think not only social media but all the catalogs we get that come in, where people look beautiful and their homes are beautiful and the furnishings are beautiful and everything out there. You know, when we compare ourselves to that which is not real, it really can take, it can really take a toll on us and I think, really understanding that those are not reality, they're unrealistic, and just focusing on the best you can be, as you said, in letting go to comparison of others around you. And you know, I always think that this is why our college friend group is so still, so close. We celebrate each other as individuals and some of us have more physically, some of us have more financially, some of us have more in all sorts of other ways, but none of us really compare ourselves to each other in that more or less way.

Tish: 39:48

Yeah, and you know, I think the final way to let go of unrealistic expectations is to stop expecting so much from others that they may not be able to meet your expectations. I know I've gotten into that trap before. You know. High standards are fine, right, but we have to be realistic with who and what we're setting our sights on. Right. Whether it's it's self imposed expectations or expecting others to be there or do stuff or whatever, we're just setting ourselves up for disappointment. So, instead of leading with expectations, kind of go back to that gratitude, just being grateful for what we do have.

Tish: 40:36

I've liked this one and I've worked on this one within my friendships and my relationships as well this accepting that others are giving the most and maybe you know you're bringing over fresh baked cookies and bread or writing letters and cards, but it doesn't mean that that is really the litmus test of a relationship and it is really part of accepting our friends and ourselves and our family and our partners. And I really like that, the idea again of acceptance and gratitude. So, tish, what is our final? No, no November.

Tish: 41:17

Now it's going to sound like it's contrary to this one, this expectation one, but it's really not okay. So our final one for no, no for November, is us letting go of settling for mediocrity. Okay, so I want everyone to think about, like letting go of settling for a mediocre existence. Instead, pursue your passions and your dreams, seek fulfillment and seek personal growth continuously.

Tish: 41:50

I love it and it does when you say it's the contrary to some of the other things we've been talking about here. But it's really about growth, self growth, and that our midlife can be amazing. We can grow, we can learn, we can be curious, we can live our lives to the fullest and that is the point of the podcast.

Tish: 42:16

Yes, you know, this idea that we are past our prime or we're just settling for a dull, unexciting life is just not what I want the rest of my life to be about. So I'm 100% on board for letting go of mediocrity.

Tish: 42:38

You know what I am too, and this is not perfection, right, it's just having goals and visions and things that you want to do taking life head on, learning, as we've said, I think, two or three times in this podcast, pivoting, reframing, living with grace. I have been working my way through my bucket list I think you know that tish and planning for retirement and prioritizing what I want my life to be like as I move into this next chapter and the word of mediocr is never part of anything.

Tish: 43:16

Right, right, right, yeah. So it's not setting unrealistic expectations, but it's not settling for just just kind of fading out into existence either. So I hope that these six different areas that we've talked about will give you some things to think about, maybe on that long plane ride or drive to see family and friends over Thanksgiving or whatever it is. But start to think about not only what you want to add to your life, but what are you willing to let go of, what are you willing to say no, this doesn't fit in my life anymore, and that's okay, because what I'm going to end up releasing things or letting go or saying no to things is going to be such a richer, deeper relationship with yourself.

Tish: 44:16

I agree and remember letting go or saying no is a personal journey for everyone. So accept where you are right now on it, and when you do say no and you let go, you make room, whether it's physical, emotional, spiritual or new things and interesting things and that growth, and that's why it's important to approach it with self-compassion and self-love here in the month of November.

Tish: 44:48

You keep throwing an extra no in there. You are really on board with this idea. I just want to thank all of our listeners. I hope you have an amazing holiday. I know we reach people all over the world, so a lot of you might not celebrate what Americans celebrate as Thanksgiving, but I think we all have, in all of our different cultures, this idea of thinking about what we're thankful for, and this is definitely, I think, kicking off a lot of holiday seasons for different cultures, and what a great way to think about that. What are you thankful for? What do you love in your life? What are you willing to let go of in your life? And please continue to join us. Please continue to share this podcast, especially if it touched your heart today. Share it with someone else who needs to hear this message. But until next week, midlifers.

Tish: 45:46

Until next week. Have a great one, and thank you, Tish, I am grateful for you. My podcast partner in crime.

Tish: 45:54

Ditto, ditto.